I know that Mel’s friends from Germany had not seen her for a while, and some of her new friends here had not seen her modelling work before. So I made a video with the bits and pieces that I had that gives a good view of her life, and the wonderful being that she was.
I would recommend right-clicking on the link above and then “Save Target As” because it is quite a big file. I didn’t compress it too much, as it is worth having decent quality for this. It is worth downloading.
When I was making it, I was just focussed on the practical aspects of it – converting files into a workable format, getting the file size right etc. When I sat back and watched it full screen, it almost knocked me off my seat. Such a vivid reminder of the vibrant, gorgeous woman that was my wife. While the human being that she was has gone back to dust and ash, the Spirit that made her who she was still lives strong.
I learned some important lessons recently:
– Holding onto the pain of Melanie’s loss is not the same as holding onto Melanie
– Letting go of the pain of her loss is not the same as letting go of my love for her
These might sound self-evident, but it takes a realisation when you have been so deep in grief, that the day starts to come when the memory and love is still bright but the pain is less sharp, and those days are starting to come for me.
I hope you enjoy looking at this video. It makes it difficult to believe that she is permanently gone from this life. To think that her mermaid impersonation was just a few short months ago…
For me, Life has become a profound experience because of what I experienced with her. I have been through the utmost depths and most glorious highs, and in the aftermath it has forced me to review the most fundamental questions and positions in a life – who am I, what do I want, where am I going, am I doing the right thing with my short time here on Earth?
I am comfortable that I am on the right track, developing myself and my understanding, and building a foundation that will stand me in good stead for the rest of my life. I don’t want to waste this human life, especially because I feel that Mel’s life and death, and some other extreme circumstances I have endured, have been partly to shape me for the work I have to do, and it would be awful to let all that sacrifice go to waste. I won’t let that happen.