free thinking

In these extremely difficult times, I have found that my spiritual practices are proving their benefit by providing me with the support that I need at this time. It has not been a matter of trying to get more out of them, but in my current state when I do yoga, or meditate, or read, I seem to slip much easier into it, with full awareness of what I am doing. The practices are suddenly unfolding for me, allowing me to fall deeper into them, and get even richer reward from them, reminding me why they became part of my daily life and practices.

I meditated today and remember the one passage I used to dwell on when I was in another difficult situation in my life, about 10 years ago. It came from the Boddhisattva teachings. While I predominantly study the Vedas, the ancient texts underlying Indian religious thought and philosophy, I also enjoy studying the teachings of all religions or philosphies, as within them there can always be found great insights which are being shared by blessed, enlightened souls.

“A bodhisatva is a being who, uninterested in his liberation alone, strives for the wellbeing of all living creatures. The Bodhisattva comes into being with the development of the Awakening Mind, the purely altruistic wish to avhieve the state of Buddha, and with this motivation he then proceeds to engage in a way of life that is conducive to the realisation of his goal”.
The Bodhisattvas Way Of Life

What an amazing role model, a completely selfless being interested only in the wellbeing of all others. Their vow is to not move into a restful and enlightened state until all being are also enlightened.

Anyway, this is one of their core principles that I try to make a cornerstone of my life, as it can give you the bedrock of your spiritual life.
“Unconditional love, peace, gladness and equanamity under all circumstances”.

Can you imagine that? No matter what your situation, no matter what you are going through, no matter how you have been hurt, your mind, heart and spirit feel the same. You are overflowing with unconditional love for all beings. You are filled with a deep peace and a general gladness that does not relate to a specific thing, but to your general state of being. And you treat all situations with the same equanamity. They are part of this life that you are manifesting and you accept it as such.

That is the feeling that comes out of a Buddha statue, and the feeling that you try to fill yourself with when you meditate upon these principles and teachings. The deep calm that you can fill yourself with and keep with you as you move through your life and daily actions, helping you to be in it, but not of it.

So, it is almost one month since Melanie Henning passed from this world.

I don’t want to ever have a month like that again. It is very difficult to bear. But what I have to admit, is that over the last few months and years I have lived every extreme of emotion. The hope, the disappointment, the fears, the loss, the suffering, the faith.

I was looking at the wedding pictures, and saw my face on the photo below. I have never seen it so charged with emotion before. Pure Exhiliration at the moment of being married.

What makes it even more special, is seeing that same exhilirated glee on her face too.

I have not seen many people who are happier together than Mel and I were. We made such an excellent pairing and loved each other so much, that it is difficult to see why our relationship should be cut so short. But there is no time on the other side, and rather 3 months of heaven than 6 decades of misery is the message I have received.

I know that Mel’s passing has left a huge impact on many people. Not just me, but all of her friends are dealing daily with this event, trying to understand it. By her leaving at her very prime, cut down in her strength and joy and beauty, it made her departure as profound as it could possibly be. By being so tragic, it is the biggest lesson to us.

I have peace that she is OK on the other side, and living on. It is just the loss of companionship that is insurmountable. So now it it about falling back into the pursuits I love so much, from mountain biking to bass guitar, to feel OK about a day without her.

I posted some photos of Mel in a special album, to show what kind of person she was, and especially the life that we shared together over the last few years.

When i look at them now, and the grin on my face when I was with her, I really realise how much happiness she gave me. Luckily when I look at the huge smile on her face, I know I gave the same to her.

Here is the link to album of Melanie Henning

I miss sharing time with her, having fun with her. Like her volunteering as my model and us heading down to the beach at sunset and her stripping down as the sun set. Look how naturally beautiful she is in the photo below. I could not have asked for more.

But she is still with us, even if it is from the other side. She is free from pain, and while she had a short life, it was not a wasted one. We may not have been able to carry out of all our plans as a couple, but she achieved her life goals, and her soul moved to a higher level. She was able to let go of anger, fear and pain, and die in a calm and peaceful state. She used her awful last days as a way to climb levels of consciousness and reach an enlightened state. In this way, her life was a victory.

As a human, there is a tragedy that she is gone. But Thank God for the time together.